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louder

louder, louder, louder. i need enough noise to drown all my thoughts away. all of them.

louder, louder, louder. i wish it were loud enough to somehow stop me from thinking altogether.

louder, louder, louder. i need it to be loud enough to stop existing, to vanish somehow.

louder, louder, louder. i need it to be loud enough so i stop feeling my body, even if just for one song.

louder, louder, louder than the sounds i hear when my vocal chords twitch and talk.

louder, louder, louder, i need it to be loud enough so i don't even hear them, so i don't even hear myself.

LOUDER, LOUDER, LOUDER. I WANT TO HEAR NOTHING BUT NOISE, BUT SPIKES, SO MY EARS MIGHT JUST FAIL.

LOUDER, LOUDER, LOUDER. SO THEY ARE SPEAKERS POINTING RIGHT TO MY EARS, SO THEY MIGHT JUST BREAK.

LOUDER, LOUDER, LOUDER. SO GOD MAY HEAR MY NAME WHEN I BLOW UP TO PIECES FROM ALL OF THIS PAIN.

LOUDER, LOUDER, LOUDER. SO THE ANGELS WHISPER MY NAME TO EACH OTHER, AS IF A RANCID RUMOR.

LOUDER, LOUDER, LOUDER. SO THE EARTH MIGHT CRACK AND I CAN FALL THROUGH AND MELT WITH IT.

LOUDER, LOUDER, LOUDER. SO DEMONS WILL CRY ME, BUT THEIR TEARS WOULD VANISH, FROM ALL THIS NOISE.

LOUDER, LOUDER, LOUDER. SO WHEN THE NOISE STOPS, ALL ON EARTH KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.

LOUDER, LOUDER, LOUDER. SO WHEN THEY CALL MY NAME, IT WILL BECOME NOTHING. NOTHING BUT NOISE.

BUT IT DOESN'T GET ANY MORE LOUDER. THAN MY LUNGS CAN SCREAM.

[27.04.2020 - louder - dael.]