rain, rain and more rain. what would it be of my body, buried in a mossy tombstone, without water that washes my sin.
and my phantom would wander that eternal and autumnal forest, even if it's only once again, from the beginning to the end.
i would wake from my grave to walk for the last time to the stream of the freshest water that my hands had ever touched.
it leads to a small lake surrounded by no more than spruce and stone, with a row boat, to end up as far as possible.
i guide myself through the mist using the voices that have always called me. if i don't see you anymore in earth i hope that this is my destiny.
because there's no place more silent, no fresher air, no calmer soul than mine in this place.
back to the forest, i take the path. i know where it will take me but i walk it as if i had never stepped on it before.
and my already ethereal body would present itself there, in front of the cabin that appears in all of my dreams.
preserved wood with a small porch, it is enough. i sit in the rocker bench singing songs in my mind.
it's a homely cabin, it is small, but it has all i need: to be alone and, for the last time, in peace with my rested soul.
my eyes would see for the last time this place destined for me. oh, how will i miss the views to my small garden.
and through one of the windows i can see giant mountains covered in trees and mist of my same transparency.
i might have left behind my body but i know the raindrops will still calm my soul, even if it's just one, just one last time.
and i would sleep in that bed surrounded by you, listening to your voice to leave you forever, even if it's not what i promised.
i would gaze at everything amazed, the beauty of nature, and my soul in its purest state. i leave you behind, my dear.
and with my last breath i go back to my eternal resting place. goodbye, it was a pleasure to meet you.
:: i want that the last thing people know of me :: :: is that i walked into the forest :: :: to never be seen again ::
:: put my gravestone in this forest :: :: so i can be a part of nature again :: :: disintegrate and be one with the earth :: :: and perhaps if our planet disappears :: :: i trust that i will be part of another star :: :: and if there's life on another planet and someone looks at the constellation that my star forms :: :: that person will have my power and will know i'm with them :: :: i don't want to leave a trace before i die when i can leave a trace in the form of pure light :: ::[how light carries on endlessly, even after death - saturn - sleeping at last]::
:: during all my childhood but now too :: :: i promised the third, my plushes, this constant voice that guards me :: :: that i would never leave them, that no matter what i would be with them :: :: i'm scared that if i take meds i will stop hearing them :: :: i'm scared that if i die, they will disappear along with me :: :: that's why i wrote this poem :: :: if by any chance i die, i wish destiny would let me walk this forest one last time :: :: just one day, go to every place of it with them, "my dear" is no other than my voice :: :: my phantom will be out of its grave and sleep in a bed with them like i have done all my life :: :: but that would be the last time, and the best of them all :: :: when my soul steps on my resting place for the last time, i will disappear forever :: :: i will fuse with nature, that is what i desire :: :: i don't care about going to a prestigious university anymore :: :: i don't care that the world won't remember my name :: :: i'm not a good person expecting something in return anymore :: :: all i can give i will after i die ::
:: creation is a debt :: :: when something is created, energy groups itself in a state that is not natural for itself :: :: that's why not even the universe is free of debt :: :: creation is what frees me from everything bad but i also create debt :: :: when i die, if i do, i will pay back that debt :: :: all that i have created will come with me to my resting place :: :: and will be part of, some day, the perfect mass of energy ::